Bridal Shower ·

Who Plans the Bridal Shower? Understanding the Traditions & Etiquette

by Bethany Wysolmerski

Bridal showers are one of the most joyful pre-wedding events, but they often come with one confusing question: who's supposed to plan the shower? Is it the maid of honor? The mother of the bride? The entire bridal party?

Whether you're a first-time maid of honor or a close friend offering to help, this guide breaks down traditional hosting etiquette, modern trends, and what's expected when it comes to planning and paying for the shower. By the end, you'll feel confident stepping into (or stepping back from) the host role.

Beautiful bridal shower invitation with watercolor and gold foil design showing planning and organization for celebration

Traditional Bridal Shower Hosts
Modern Bridal Shower Planning Roles
Who Pays for the Bridal Shower?
How to Offer to Host Without Overstepping
How to Gracefully Decline Hosting Duties
Can Multiple People Co-Host the Shower?
What to Do When Co-Hosts Disagree
When to Start Planning
Next Steps for Hosting a Beautiful Shower
FAQs About Planning a Bridal Shower

Traditional Bridal Shower Hosts

Traditionally, the maid of honor takes the lead on planning the bridal shower. In the past, etiquette discouraged immediate family from hosting, under the belief it looked like they were asking for gifts. But that outdated rule has faded. Today, anyone close to the bride can host: sisters, aunts, mothers, coworkers, or friends.

Maid of Honor: Often the lead planner and organizer
Bridesmaids: Typically assist with planning, budgeting, and setup
Mother of the Bride: May offer to host or co-host with friends or family
Close Friends or Relatives: Can step in to help if the bridal party is unavailable

The maid of honor role traditionally includes organizing the bridal shower because she's usually the bride's closest friend and most involved in wedding planning. However, this doesn't mean she has to do everything alone. In fact, most maids of honor appreciate help from bridesmaids or family members who can share the workload and expenses.

In some cases, the maid of honor lives far away or has limited time or budget. When this happens, it's completely acceptable for someone else to take the lead while the maid of honor contributes in other ways, such as helping with the guest list, offering to cover specific costs, or being present on the day to support the bride.

Modern Bridal Shower Planning Roles

In recent years, we've seen a shift toward co-hosted and collaborative bridal showers. Busy schedules, long-distance bridal parties, and multiple friend groups often mean more than one person contributes time, money, or creativity.

Common modern hosting arrangements include:

A group of bridesmaids splitting planning duties
A friend or cousin offering to host at their home
The bride's family covering the venue or food
Long-distance hosts coordinating from afar while a local helper handles setup
Coworkers or professional friends organizing a separate office shower
Multiple showers hosted by different groups (family, friends, work)

At the end of the day, the best person to plan the bridal shower is someone who:

Knows the bride's style and preferences
Has the time and resources to plan the event
Wants to celebrate her joyfully and thoughtfully
Can communicate effectively with other potential co-hosts
Feels comfortable taking on the organizational responsibilities

Real-World Scenarios

Sometimes figuring out who should host comes down to practical considerations. For example, if the maid of honor lives across the country but the bride's sister lives in the same city, it might make more sense for the sister to handle logistics while the maid of honor contributes financially or helps with planning remotely.

In other cases, a bride might have multiple friend groups who don't know each other well. This often results in multiple smaller showers: one hosted by college friends, another by family, and perhaps a third by coworkers. While hosting multiple showers was once considered excessive, modern etiquette recognizes that brides often have rich, varied social circles that deserve separate celebrations.

Elegant personalized Future Mrs bridal shower napkins with rose gold design showing coordinated party planning details

Who Pays for the Bridal Shower?

Traditionally, whoever hosts the bridal shower covers the cost. If the maid of honor is planning it solo, they might fund it themselves, or coordinate contributions from other bridesmaids.

However, in modern planning, it's perfectly acceptable to:

Split costs among several hosts
Assign specific responsibilities instead of splitting evenly (e.g. one person covers food, another handles decor)
Set a group budget and work backward from there
Ask each bridesmaid to contribute a set amount
Have family members offer to cover major expenses like the venue

If you're hosting, it's a good idea to have a quick conversation up front: "I'd love to host and was thinking of doing brunch at my house with some light decor. I'd cover the food—are you open to helping with invitations or drinks?"

Setting a Realistic Budget

Bridal shower costs can range dramatically based on guest count, location, and formality. A simple home gathering for 15 people might cost $300 to $500, covering food, drinks, decorations, and party favors. A more elaborate event at a restaurant or rented venue with 30 to 40 guests could easily reach $1,000 to $2,000 or more.

When setting your budget, consider these typical expense categories:

Venue: $0 (home) to $500+ (rented space)
Food and drinks: $200 to $800 depending on catering vs. homemade
Invitations: $30 to $100 for printed or digital options
Decorations: $50 to $200 for custom napkins, personalized cups, welcome signs, and florals
Games and activities: $20 to $50 for supplies and prizes
Party favors: $50 to $150 depending on guest count

Being upfront about budget constraints helps everyone feel comfortable. If you're a bridesmaid and can't afford to contribute much, offer to help in other ways like setting up the venue, creating a playlist, or running games during the event. Non-financial contributions are just as valuable.

How to Offer to Host Without Overstepping

If you're considering offering to host, but unsure of the bride's expectations or what's already in motion, here's a respectful way to bring it up:

Try saying:
"I'd love to help with or host your bridal shower. Has anyone started planning it yet?"

This opens the door without pressuring the bride, or stepping on the toes of someone already organizing it.

If you're a family member, you can also reach out to the maid of honor directly and say:

"I'd love to co-host or contribute to the shower. What's already planned and how can I help?"

The key is to approach the conversation with genuine enthusiasm and flexibility. Don't assume you'll be in charge or that your vision for the shower is the only option. Instead, position yourself as someone eager to support whatever plans are already underway or to collaborate on something new.

Coordinated bridal shower party supplies including personalized napkins, cups and stir sticks showing collaborative planning

How to Gracefully Decline Hosting Duties

Not everyone is in a position to host a bridal shower, and that's completely okay. Financial constraints, time limitations, distance, or personal circumstances might make hosting impossible or extremely stressful. The important thing is to communicate honestly and early.

If you're the maid of honor but can't host, try saying something like:

"I'm so honored to be your maid of honor and I want to support you in every way I can. Unfortunately, I'm not able to host the bridal shower due to budget constraints, but I'd love to help in other ways. Can we brainstorm who else might be interested in hosting or co-hosting?"

This approach is honest without being apologetic or defensive. True friends will understand that hosting a bridal shower is a significant financial and time commitment that not everyone can manage.

Alternative Ways to Contribute

If you can't host but want to be involved, consider these alternatives:

Offer to co-host and handle specific tasks like games or decorations
Contribute a set amount toward the shower budget
Help with setup and cleanup on the day of the event
Create a beautiful gift or provide personalized party favors
Design the invitations or manage RSVPs
Coordinate rides for out-of-town guests

Remember, your value as a friend isn't determined by how much money you spend on pre-wedding events. The bride chose you as her maid of honor because of your friendship, not your bank account.

Can Multiple People Co-Host the Shower?

Absolutely—and many do. Co-hosting is one of the most common ways to keep bridal shower planning affordable and stress-free. When multiple people work together, you can divide tasks like:

Ordering and sending invitations
Booking the venue or setting up at someone's home
Ordering custom napkins or bride-themed cups
Handling food and drinks
Planning games or entertainment
Creating a gift display or welcome sign

The most successful co-hosting arrangements happen when one person takes on the role of primary coordinator. This doesn't mean they do all the work, but rather that they keep everyone organized, set deadlines, and make sure nothing falls through the cracks. Without a point person, important details can get overlooked as everyone assumes someone else is handling them.

Tips for Successful Co-Hosting

To make co-hosting work smoothly, establish clear communication from the start. Create a group text or email chain where everyone can share updates, ask questions, and coordinate plans. Schedule at least one planning meeting (virtual or in-person) early in the process to divide responsibilities and set a budget.

Be specific about who's handling what. Instead of vague assignments like "someone should get decorations," assign tasks clearly: "Sarah will order the napkins and welcome sign by March 15, and Jessica will pick up flowers the morning of the shower."

Something Blue personalized bridal shower can coolers showing thoughtful party favor planning for celebration

What to Do When Co-Hosts Disagree

Even with the best intentions, co-hosts sometimes disagree about budget, theme, venue, or other details. These disagreements are normal and can usually be resolved with open communication and compromise.

When conflicts arise, start by refocusing on the bride's preferences. Ask yourselves: What would the bride want? What fits her style and personality? This shifts the conversation away from personal preferences and back to the person you're celebrating.

If budget is the sticking point, be direct about financial limitations. It's better to say, "I can only contribute $100 toward the shower," than to agree to expenses you can't afford and end up resentful. Most disagreements stem from unclear expectations, so transparency prevents problems before they start.

When to Compromise and When to Stand Firm

Some decisions warrant compromise. If one co-host wants a formal sit-down brunch and another prefers a casual backyard barbecue, perhaps you can find middle ground with a semi-formal garden party. Aesthetic preferences, menu choices, and decoration styles usually have flexible solutions that keep everyone reasonably happy.

However, certain boundaries shouldn't be compromised. If a co-host suggests something that violates the bride's values, pushes the budget beyond what's affordable, or makes other hosts genuinely uncomfortable, it's okay to stand firm. The goal is a celebration that honors the bride, not a perfect execution of any single vision.

When to Start Planning

Bridal showers are usually held 4 to 8 weeks before the wedding, but you should begin planning at least 6 to 8 weeks in advance, especially if you're booking a venue or ordering personalized details.

Detailed Planning Timeline:

8 to 10 weeks before the shower: Confirm who's hosting, discuss the budget, and choose a date. Start thinking about themes and venues. If you're ordering custom invitations or personalized decor, this is the time to browse options.

6 to 8 weeks before: Finalize the guest list with the bride's input, book the venue if needed, and order invitations. Begin planning the menu, whether that means booking a caterer, making restaurant reservations, or planning what you'll cook.

4 to 6 weeks before: Send invitations. Order decorations, favors, and any personalized items that need production time. Plan games and activities, and assign specific tasks to co-hosts if applicable.

2 to 3 weeks before: Finalize the menu and beverage orders. Confirm RSVPs and follow up with guests who haven't responded. Purchase game supplies and any remaining decorations. Create a day-of timeline so everyone knows what happens when.

1 week before: Do a final headcount, confirm all vendor orders, and make sure you have everything you need. Prepare any make-ahead food items. Touch base with all co-hosts about setup times and responsibilities.

Day before: Set up as much as possible, pick up any fresh items like flowers or baked goods, and do a final check of your timeline and supply list.

Need help with the details? Our bridal shower planning checklist walks you through each step.

Next Steps for Hosting a Beautiful Shower

Once you've offered to host (or confirmed your co-hosts), it's time for the fun part: decorating, dreaming, and celebrating the bride-to-be! Explore our curated bridal shower collections to make it easy:

Personalized bridal shower napkins showing finished coordinated party decor ready for celebration

FAQs About Planning a Bridal Shower

Does the maid of honor have to plan the bridal shower?

No, the maid of honor doesn't have to plan the bridal shower, though it's traditionally expected. If the maid of honor is unable or unwilling to host, bridesmaids, family members, or close friends can step in. Many modern bridal showers are co-hosted by multiple people who split responsibilities and costs. The most important thing is that someone who cares about the bride takes the lead, whether that's the maid of honor or another loved one.

Can the mother of the bride host the bridal shower?

Yes, absolutely. While old-fashioned etiquette once discouraged immediate family from hosting to avoid the appearance of asking for gifts, that rule is outdated. Today, mothers, sisters, aunts, and other family members commonly host or co-host bridal showers. Many modern showers are collaborative efforts between the bridal party and the bride's family, which helps distribute costs and planning responsibilities.

How much does it cost to host a bridal shower?

Bridal shower costs vary widely depending on the guest count, venue, food, and decor choices. A simple home-hosted shower might cost a few hundred dollars, while a catered event at a restaurant or venue can run $1,000 or more. Co-hosting helps manage expenses, with hosts splitting costs or each taking responsibility for specific elements like food, decorations, or party favors. Setting a budget early and being transparent with co-hosts prevents surprises.

What if no one offers to host the bridal shower?

If no one has offered to host and the wedding is approaching, it's okay for the bride or a close family member to gently bring it up with the maid of honor or bridal party. Sometimes people hesitate because they're unsure about expectations or budget. A simple conversation like, "I'd love to have a bridal shower if anyone is interested in hosting. It doesn't need to be elaborate," can open the door. If hosting isn't feasible, the bride can opt to skip the shower entirely or plan a casual get-together herself.

Can the bride help plan her own shower?

Traditionally, the bride shouldn't plan her own shower since it's meant to be a surprise or gift from loved ones. However, modern etiquette is more flexible. The bride can provide input on the guest list, preferred dates, themes, or registry information when asked. If absolutely no one is available to host, some brides do plan their own showers, framing them as casual celebrations rather than traditional gift-focused events. Clear communication with guests about expectations helps avoid any awkwardness.

Is it rude to ask someone to host your bridal shower?

Directly asking someone to host your bridal shower can come across as presumptuous, especially if it implies they should spend money on your behalf. However, it's acceptable to mention that you'd love to have a shower and ask if anyone in the bridal party is interested in organizing one. Phrasing it as an open question, "Would anyone be interested in co-hosting a small get-together?" is more tactful than assigning the task to a specific person.

How far in advance should you start planning a bridal shower?

Start planning the bridal shower at least 6 to 8 weeks before the event date, though 2 to 3 months is ideal. This gives you time to book a venue, order personalized napkins or custom cups, send invitations, and coordinate with co-hosts. Bridal showers typically happen 4 to 8 weeks before the wedding, so working backward from the wedding date helps you set a timeline that doesn't conflict with other pre-wedding events.

What happens if multiple people want to host?

If multiple people want to host, that's wonderful! Co-hosting is increasingly common and makes planning easier and more affordable. The key is clear communication about roles, budget, and responsibilities. Consider having one person act as the primary coordinator while others handle specific tasks like decorations, food, games, or welcome signs. A group text or quick planning meeting early on helps everyone stay aligned and prevents duplicate efforts or confusion.

Conclusion

Planning a bridal shower is a meaningful way to celebrate the bride before her big day, and knowing who traditionally hosts can help you navigate the planning process with confidence. Whether you're the maid of honor, a family member, or part of a collaborative group, the most important thing is creating a joyful, stress-free celebration that honors the bride. With clear communication about roles and budgets, any hosting arrangement can result in a beautiful, memorable event.